Listen, my Personal Assistant (aka PA aka Foster Mom) usually does these dating profiles up for us foster dogs, but as you will come to know, I do things ‘my way’, so here I am. My name is Pesci, named after Joe Pesci for my small size but mighty personality and sometimes loud mouth and opinions. I think the name fits, I’m not going to apologize for any of it, so keep on reading if you don’t mind learning about a dog that is not for the faint of heart. (But hey, don’t ruin my street cred by telling people about my soft spots, I have a reputation to uphold). I am a long haired Chihuahua, I’m 9.5yrs old, I weigh around 8lbs and I am gorgeous if I do say so myself.

Let’s get the ugly stuff out of the way. I was turned into a pound with limited options and I was on the chopping block. I was apparently growling at people now and peeing all over the house. I hadn’t seen a vet since I was a puppy. I was a senior dog with a lot of medical issues, no friends or family that cared and let me tell you, I have seen some stuff. See, my jaw was broken in half, I had a raging bladder infection, big stones in my bladder, one of which got stuck in my urethra, and my mouth was rotting out. In fact I had a hole rotted into my sinus cavity and my teeth literally fell out…one even on the way to the vet! Can you believe that? I mean, no wonder I was cranky and peeing everywhere, I was hurting and needed help but no one was listening. My PA and Pound Dog Rescue saw me and despite my less than stellar video performance, they wanted to give me a chance. They believed I needed it and although I will only ever publicly admit this once, man, I was desperate. They found me when I really needed it most.
My medical issues are all cleared up and I am a healthy guy. My jaw healed in its broken state but it doesn’t cause me any pain, my mouth is just a bit wonky but I call it ‘character’. I have to eat special food because of the stones in my bladder I had before, we really want to keep that from happening again…it sucks! But the good news is, I love the food…so much so that I know exactly when meal time should be and I voice my grievances if PA is running behind schedule. It’s hard to find good help these days. Due to me damage done to urinary tract, I can sometimes still dribble a little (it’s not often, but it occasionally happens) and I need regular bathroom breaks. There is not a lot of time between when I need to go and when you get me outside, so “chop chop! No dilly dallying!” or whatever happens then is on you. I stay in a little pen when the PA leaves the house and overnight so that if I really have to go, I have the option of some big Bounty Quicker Picker Upper thing. I like this space, so I don’t mind.
I do not like to be touched by hands. Like I said, they have not been good to me and I do not forget that. I won’t be suited to a family with kids or people who don’t understand this. I give you plenty of warning, so if you push me to the point of losing my…mind…it’s not my fault, it’s yours. I am crystal clear about my boundaries and you have plenty of opportunity to leave me alone. I don’t have teeth so I can’t hurt you, I don’t even want to, I just want you to not touch me with your hands. I can handle you putting on a leash, taking me for a walk, but don’t be stroking my gorgeous coat (it’s beautiful, am I right?). I don’t trust it…remember, I have seen some stuff. That being said I am very affectionate…how, do you ask? I love feet! I throw myself at my PAs feet every chance I get for some loving. I roll all over them, she pets me with them, I snuggle and kiss them. Feet never hurt me, feet are good. Hands, not so much.
You know what else I am? So smart! I come when called, I have learned to sit, lie down and sit pretty. I really do want to be loved and be part of a family, I want to be a good guy. I live with a few other small dogs and I do alright. I like them, but I have terrible social skills. My cues are all mixed up and I can leave dogs so confused about what I really mean or want from them. I am worse than a pre-teen at a grade 8 school dance…trying, but woefully socially unskilled! I am getting better, but if I am going to be around other dogs they have to be so patient with a guy like me and not react to every dumb move I make…because I make a lot. I never really left my home for all my years with my other people and I don’t know how to ‘dog’; for 9 years I basically lived without other positive doggy or people friends. Thankfully my foster siblings here are really kind and gentle and they take me in stride. But, they also give me fair corrections when I cross their line and you know what? I respect that…I’m not a fighter no matter what my blustering might tell you.
I am learning to love car rides, sometimes I like walks and sometimes I don’t. But you know what I do love? My backyard kingdom. I feel good there, I feel safe and I like to explore all the little hiding spots. So, this is really a must for me as it is one of my big sources of joy. My kingdom needs to be fully secure so I can’t wander out of it because if I do, let me tell you, I ain’t coming back. This boy is an independent man and he will go where he wants to, no amount of bribing is going to get me back.
When it comes to meeting people, no thank you. I want my space. If I come up to sniff them, it’s because I want to and not on anyone else’s agenda. I will take food from them sometimes, sometimes I won’t. Let’s be honest here, I didn’t let my walls down and allow my PA to touch me with her hands for almost 5 months, I am certainly not going to allow some Joe Schmoe to do it. No, affection from me must be earned through patience and a history of kindness from you. Maybe I will change my mind about that one day, chances are I won’t. If you think you will change that about me quickly, you might as well sit and watch the paint dry or the grass grow.
Apparently I am supposed to tell you other good things. I now cuddle and watch Netflix at night (with your feet, to be clear), I am comical and do excited little hops when I am happy. I have started playing social distancing tag with my PA, I play hide and seek, I love Puppacinos and my local Starbucks thinks I am awesome and should have my own social media team. But please, don’t be someone that wants to exploit my sassy mess for internet videos because that is actually pretty stressing for me…not cool.
I know I’m quirky, I try every day to do better and I take steps forward all the time. I don’t know if I can ever let all of my walls down, but I try. And please, don’t apply for me if you think you are saving me. My PA is awesome and she thinks I am super endearing in the weirdest ways, and I don’t need to leave here for someone who thinks they are doing me a favour. I am only going to leave here if someone truly wants to bring me home and love me just as I am. I have had enough of humans letting me down, I need the real deal, unconditional kind of love. I need you to love my knowing I am trying really hard and I do want to be better every day, it’s just not an easy road, but I wouldn’t mind a chauffeur to take me down it and show me the good life. If you think you can do that, swipe right…or email Pound Dog…whatever it is the kids do these days.